Staying Home

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Cru was 100% planned.  Eva and I always talked about kids and when would be the right time. But realistically there's no right time. We know that now. You just gotta make it work. Now that he's in our life I can't imagine anything different. What did we do before Cru? We must have had so much free time. So many beers with my neighbours in Bowmanville. lol, I totally miss that. 

Eva and I both commuted, and both had jobs with travel. My jobs travel was very unpredictable. I would start early and end late. I could be gone for the night, or 10 nights.  So we knew one of us had to either quit or change jobs. I always would tell Eva, "quit your job, we can move to Peterborough, buy a little wartime house in the south end. Cru could play for the Petes or the Lakers. You'll never have to work." That idea never seemed appealing to her. She would say "I'm never living in Peterborough"

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So what do we do? I'm staying home. After weighing all the options. it just made the most sense. I mean, I guess we could have just put Cru in daycare for 8-12 hours a day. So many people do that, and their kids turn out fine. I have nothing against daycare. I'm sure at some point Cru will end up there. I'm always worried that the people at the daycare aren't gonna love the kids like we love them. Eva went to daycare and she turned out OK.  I tell Eva at least once a week I'm ready to get a job. A lot of days, this kid is a nightmare. So many dark days lol Right now, everything is "hot" for him. I put shoes on him. he says "hot". I let him go barefoot, his feet touch the cold driveway he says "hot." Not cold - hot. I'm sure things will get way easier when it's not a guessing contest. At the end of the day, my feeling with daycare is, "I didn't have a kid, to let someone else raise him." 

I hear this a lot from my friends. I'm talking about you Todd.  "You gotta get him out and socialize him." He would say. like the only place to do this is at a daycare. So many people think this. I take Cru all over. Drop-in centers for toddlers, the library for sing-alongs, local parks. our neighbourhood has tons of kids that all come by to play with Cru. He's getting plenty of socialization. I'm not.  Nobody’s worried about me. lol

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Then I think about the way I was raised. It was Northern Ontario and a different time, but we had a stay-at-home mom. I always remember the meals, the house being clean, laundry done, helping with homework, making every single game, or track meet. Mostly, I remember her always just being there. That definitely weighs heavily on my shoulders.  I want to make sure there's always one of us around. 

So, for now, I'm staying home. Not keeping up with the laundry. The house could be way cleaner. I'll tell ya, we're doing lots of dancing, singing, crying, laughing and playing though. We're managing. You won't hear me tell people this is an easy gig. 

Every night I try and have a hot meal on the table as Eva walks in the door. the other day some of the neighbourhood kids were outside playing and I told them we had to go in, to start dinner. Now, these kids are 3-6 years old. They seemed so confused when I said we had to start dinner. Ryan who’s five says "No you don't make dinner, Crus mom makes dinner." I'm like, no.
Now I find myself trying to explain to a five-year-old why I'm staying home and Cru's mom is working.